Dear Small Humans,
I write on behalf of your mother.
Let me start by reaffirming how much I love being your dog. I am very well looked after and can always find a companion to pet me or take me on a walk.
By now, it is painfully obvious that I am a dog of little brain.
Yes, just the other day, I managed to get caught up in an apron hanging from a chair, with no exit strategy in place. I rely on your goodwill to rescue me from these predicaments.
Amazingly, you have kept me despite my minimal contributions to the household. I would prefer some variety in my food allotment but that is a minor concern.
However, I do find the blanket wrapping a bit much.
I’m not a snitch but I trust in your deductive reasoning to ascertain which child is responsible for my temporary bondage. Truly, I adore Johnny. He is my most consistent source of food and treats.
Please don’t take the criticism too harshly. I am forever grateful that you badgered your mother into adopting me. Other rescue dogs aren’t as lucky. And I do hope to become a real dog someday.
By the way, I suggest washing the aforementioned blankets. The recommendation to apply flea and tick prevention on a monthly basis is not a suggestion.
Your forever loyal, somewhat dysfunctional dog,